She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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