He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
