I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
