Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
