I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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