On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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