I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
