I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm lost and stupid without you.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
