You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
