I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
