What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
