I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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