It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
