I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
