I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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