it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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