I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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