U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
