You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
