Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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