I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
