yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
