If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
i believe in u and ur pee
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
