I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize