i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I am full of burrito and curiosity
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
