i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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