I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
