Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
