so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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