Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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