I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
