I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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