Define "chronic" masturbator.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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