Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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