1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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