Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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