Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize