Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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