My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I forget how to act sober
Randomize