Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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