i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
