she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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