dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
