I got chris browned last night
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Your cock deserves a montage
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
