he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
