don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
