im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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