Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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