It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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