Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
