He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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