I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
