You're a womanizer and a bitch.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
