I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Randomize
