I think I died a long time ago.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I want to fling myself into the sun
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
