My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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