The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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