I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
