I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize