hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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