I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
