one might say we're banned from that church
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
