OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize