First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
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