you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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