i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
