How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
