Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
We are all done wearing pants today
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
