Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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