In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I know her cup size but not her name....
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