Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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