I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
