So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
