she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Just cropdusted the office
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
